Gaining wisdom to win the war within

by John Allen

Harry was brooding over a cup of coffee, thinking about his reputation and himself. The middle-aged man found much to encourage him. He was getting a reasonable amount of exercise and was in decent shape. His relationships with others were pretty good. He had earned the respect of his neighbours and colleagues. He and his wife seemed solid together and the kids were turning out well. By all appearances, he was a stand-up guy. Clearly he was doing a lot of things right. But not all was well with his soul. He was seized by a sense of discontent, a sad emptiness at the centre of his very being. “A corrupt laziness governs me,” he thought to himself. Much of his activity seemed unimportant, as though done to impress others while his deeper ambitions—his real life calling—were put on hold. “I retreat into a private world that looks industrious, but it’s mostly a form escape,” he admitted. “I shirk responsibilities elsewhere.”

Although he wasn’t aware of it at the time, Harry had just recognized a “capital” sin at work in his life. Sloth (or acedia) is one of the “seven deadly” sins identified by early Christian teachers as the source of other sins, root causes of unwholesome thoughts and bad behaviour. Curiously, Harry’s laziness took the form of activity. He kept himself busy to avoid the hard work of dealing with some deeper areas of his life. The tendency made him passive. He was easy to get along with, for sure, but he began to realize he wasn’t effectively addressing things that mattered more.

Harry was nice, but his life was stalling. There were plenty of ways he could be using his time to help other people, but he found it much easier to attend to his own preferences first. So he was apt to retreat to some comfortable place and busy himself with some comfortable project. It was safer.

Yet somewhere down deep he knew he could be a better man. Life was happening, and he was just drifting with the flow.

The trouble with Harry

And as he peered deeper into the battleground of his soul, Harry spotted still more signs of trouble. He’d thought his lust issues would disappear after marriage. They hadn’t. To his credit, he wasn’t out chasing skirts or hunkering down with porn, but he could still undress a woman with his eyes and wallow in unwholesome sexual fantasies.

Harry’s wife was his only bed partner, but you’d never know that if you could read his mind. That old demon lust was not going away. It might retreat for a season, but it always came back. He hated being unfaithful in this way, but he was close to losing hope of ever being able to claim victory. He felt as though a barrier was rising between him and his wife and blamed himself for building it higher.

Harry shuddered in private shame. And then a whole squadron of the sins hidden within him surged into his consciousness like soldiers onto a battlefield. Lust and laziness weren’t his only problem areas. Not by a long shot.

He was aware that he also struggled with envy. There were lots of things belonging to others that he wanted for himself (and felt that he deserved). Some of his classmates from college had gone much further in their careers then he had, and most of them had much larger pensions.

Thinking about these kinds of things made him resentful. It made him grumpy. He knew it made him a pain to be around.

Collateral damage

Harry probed these painful areas and began to realize that every choice he made in his life seemed to have some impact for good or bad. He’d done some things right and was enjoying the benefits. But he’d made plenty of wrong decisions too, and the consequences of those were also part of his life.

As his coffee cooled untouched before him, he was struck by the fact that he wasn’t just letting himself down when he succumbed to sin. As in any other war, the battle isn’t confined to the battlefield. Others get hurt as well. Collateral damage is part of the deal.

Some of us don’t think about these things very much. But in comfortable middle age, Harry could reflect in this vein with better perspective than younger people. And he was well aware that he was not unique. His struggles were common to man. Sin is no respecter of persons. Whether young or old, black or white, rich or poor, foolish or wise—every one of us fails to do the right thing at times. Each of us has some flaw in our character or excuse in our circumstances that inclines us to do bad things.

Knowing what is the right (or wrong) thing to do is one thing, but actually making the best choice and following through with it in action is another. While any of us may strive sincerely to be virtuous, it’s still a struggle to make good choices and behave well.

This inner battle is as old as Adam and has been the experience of some of the most valiant crusaders against sin who ever lived. The apostle Paul, for example, put it well when he said: “I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate…. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do” (Romans 7:5,19).

Beyond sin

Paul went on to state explicitly that the problem was sin, and that it puts up a battle we are incapable of winning on our own. But sin isn’t the only reality in the world, and we do everyone a disfavour if we dwell on it unduly. At least two other factors must also be a part of the conversation: the presence of virtue, and the gift of grace.

If sin bespeaks the truth that much about our world is broken, then virtue reminds us that God made this world, created people in His own image and declared it good. And despite the bad choices that brought sin into our environment, God takes delight in restoring that relationship by erasing the sin and drawing people closer to Him. He loves to extend mercy. In fact, according to Paul, God consigned humanity to disobedience “so that He may be merciful to all” (Romans 11:32).

Harry couldn’t quite get his head around that one. The metaphysics or theology seemed awfully complicated, but the result was encouraging. With God’s help it is possible to win at battlefield soul, or at least to keep advancing in the right direction. Successful soldiers, he reflected, follow disciplined procedures.

And there to counteract the power of deadly sins are vital virtues that can be cultivated. These are attitudes that help to govern our actions and steer our decision-making; habitual and firm dispositions to do the good.

For example, those who draw regularly from the well of charity—who make loving God and loving others a priority in their lives—will seldom find greed an overwhelming concern. They will learn to give and receive readily and joyfully.

For those who struggle with overindulgence and over-consumption (gluttony), the virtue of temperance (restraint, moderation, sobriety) is a healthy practice. Harry’s problem with envy, he learned, is best counter-acted with the intentional practice of kindness. Similarly, gratefulness is the antidote to resentment.

Small victories

It may be discouraging to realize that waging such wars within is likely to be a life-long process. But at least we don’t have to be stuck on the same battlefield all the time. We can make progress. We win small victories. We do advance.

And Harry and his ilk don’t have to wage the battle against personal sin alone. Preachers, teachers and other companions can help us to understand how God’s ways and laws can change our lives. When the prophet Nathan made King David recognize the error of his ways, he got the full force of the good news/bad news message like a blindside punch. When he was called to account, he responded personally: “I have sinned against the Lord” (2 Samuel 12:13). He stopped making excuses and realized his position before God—a sinner!  He, like us, was person in trouble, a person needing help, a human being in need of God.

One of the most misunderstood features about God is this: that a confession of sin isn’t a groveling admission that I’m a terrible person; it doesn’t require what’s sometimes described as beating yourself up. Instead, the good news is to know that the statement “I have sinned against the Lord” is a sentence full of hope.

The primary task of the Christian life is not to avoid sin, which is impossible anyway, but to recognize sin. Harry got a good start on that the day he brooded over his coffee. The fact is that we’re sinners. For  any reasons we’d rather not realize that.

That’s a terrific shame, because the basic fundamental condition of our humanity is God. We’re created by God; redeemed by God; blessed by God; provided for by God; loved by God. Sin is the denial, ignorance or avoidance of that basic condition, and that’s a deadly place to dwell.

John Allen is a writer and editor who doesn’t like his coffee cold.

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The article above was featured in the November 2009 issue of SEVEN magazine.

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