It amazes me that every so often as I work to keep in touch with my kids world that I find something that connects me to a deep felt need within the hearts of our kids that just shouldn’t be ignored. Now I had my teenage years when punk rock was first a great way to upset your parents, so it doesn’t faze me much that my two boys have made the new version their music of choice. Luckily my soon to be a teenage girl seems to like something a little quieter on dads eardrums.

It is also clear that part of the punk culture is not to be mainstream; if a band ever decides to “make it” they may even alienate the very people who got them there in the first place. I can hear the cries of sell out from my own youth already, but what may you ask has this to do with being a better dad? It certainly isn’t in my attempts to be trendy; the best response I will get from my fourteen year old is that I haven’t been too embarrassing!

But a Canadian band has captured the heartfelt cry of so many of our kids that we should all pay attention. I know I did from the first time I heard it on the radio I have been challenged, it was almost like God grabbed me and transported me into the head of my kids. Frankly I have been struggling with what it means ever since. I may not have all the answers, but I would like to bring you into the challenge and then let you do what you think is required.

The band, Simple Plan, the song Perfect, the lyrics grab the heart from the opening line.

“Hey Dad look at me, Think back and talk to me, did I grow up according to your plan?”

My plan? Am I really imposing my will to try and shape my kids lives rather than helping them to grow into the people that God wants them to be? I didn’t mind the tune, but the words were now starting to get me even more attached to a place deep inside a teenager’s world.

Then the chorus hit me like a ton of bricks

“Cuz we lost it all

Nothing lasts forever

I’m sorry I can’t be Perfect.

Now its just too late and we cant go back

I’m sorry I can’t be perfect"

Hold on a minute, could I be risking destroying the relationship that is so important to me. Could I be looking back in years to come wondering where I went wrong. This was not going to be easy listening; all the time I could hear that small voice inside of me screaming to pay attention, the lyrics were hitting all the panic buttons I had. The words of my wife warning me not to be so hard on my older son flashed through my mind as well. I felt a desperate need for God to help me see what he was trying to get through to me.

I had been convicted before, that feeling of having eaten too much and repenting is one I am well used to, and one to which my waistline will attest. This was different. Then the picture every dad wants to have of themselves came tumbling out of the car speakers, but not in the way any of us wants to hear it.

“I try not to think about the pain I feel inside,

Did you know that you used to be my Hero?

All the days that you spent with me, now seem so far away

And it feels like you don’t care anymore”

STOP, right now, I don’t even want to think of a time when I have shattered the image of what I had hoped to be with my kids. Let alone find it being blasted at me through my car stereo. But I just couldn’t ignore it.

So the question became what to do, I figured a radical knee jerk wouldn’t have any long-term benefits.  But I did resolve to try and listen more and talk less. To be along for the ride instead of trying to direct my kids lives. A life coach who is there to help, rather than a dictator who they will grow to resent. A friend who will work to understand their world and offer reasoned and thought out advice. A dad who will help them nurture their relationship with Jesus and trust that to keep them on the right track. When all else fails I’ll use my knees instead of shouting and talk to the one who can really help them out. I only have them for a little while; I don’t want to shorten that by even one day. I wasn’t in a bad way; I just wasn’t in the best shape either.  But as usual I was reminded of the need to keep it all in perspective, God has a way of getting the last laugh and leaving you smiling.

On Friday last week my younger son decided to spend the record shop gift card he had from his birthday. I am sure you can guess which CD he bought, Simple Plan, and I had to smile when I saw the title.

“No Pads, No Helmets………Just Balls”

Now there is a title that talks to how being a dad feels and what this dad thing is going to take!

Don’t ever ask me if I am going to be the perfect dad, the answer now is a resounding NO!

In the future articles I am going to continue to share from this journey of being a dad. Hoping that God will help us all to get closer to His simple plan for bringing up our kids.

PS .If you want to be challenged visit the simple plan website and look at the music section and play the video online…There are some images in the video that add even more depth to this cry for understanding dads

View it I dare you! www.simpleplan.com follow the link to enter sp.com and then visit the music section.

Lawrence Barns serves as Vice President, Outreach & Resource Development at PK Canada. He is working to be the best dad he can be to three kids aged 10 to 14.